


I feel the pages turning, I see the candle burning down

by Pomyluna



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Actually there's no Malec, Alec is just lying asleep on the other side of the bed xD, Episode Tag, Gen, Hurt Magnus Bane, Magnus Bane-centric, Memories, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 07:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11271360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomyluna/pseuds/Pomyluna
Summary: There’s a place where angels and skylines meet…





	I feel the pages turning, I see the candle burning down

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Breathe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3552071) by [bythemoonlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythemoonlight/pseuds/bythemoonlight). 



> At this point I allow you to call me a bit (very) obsessed with this show xD Well, what can I say? Only that it’s totally out of my control ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (and I’m not even sorry about it, what a horrible person I am).
> 
> This story was inspired by bythemoonlight work (which I translated into my native language at one time btw xD) in which she described in a beautiful way one of the methods to deal with panic attacks. However the biggest gratitude goes of course to the whole SH crew and cast. Thank you for making this amazing show, I don’t imagine my life without it now.
> 
> If someone is wondering – the title is from Fleurie’s song ‘Breathe’. It’s a wonderful and moving piece of an art and I encourage you to go and listen to it! <3
> 
> Sorry for the evident lack of tags but I’m recovering from an illness and my brain still doesn’t fully cooperate with me :/
> 
> See you soon, cupcakes! :*
> 
> PS. Please do not translate my fic into another languages, at least not without my clear permission.

_Put him in the chair._

 

Breathe.

 

Lightning cutting through the dark. The glass of water on the nightstand. The silver ear cuff in the shape of a spider web a few inches beside it. Bow and quiver in the corner. Your golden eyes staring at you from the mirror on the other side of the room.

 

_This sick game of yours is over._

 

Breathe.

 

Silk covers sliding over your body with every little move. Streaks of hair falling to your temple. The _omamori_ in your hand. Heaviness in your chest.

 

_Gag him._

 

Breathe.

 

Drops of rain tapping on the window still. The steady breathing from behind you. Voices in your head.

 

_You’re insane._

 

Breathe.

 

The smell of cherry clinging to your body after the shower you took before going to bed. The light whiff of actual cherry blossoms from Tokyo which is just only in your memory.

 

_Guard the entrance._

 

Breathe.

 

The bitter taste of broken dreams and promises.

 

_Stop._

 

„Please,” you whisper desperately.

 

_Stop._

 

„Please make it stop,” you say not feeling your lungs, not feeling your body. And suddenly you’re not even in the loft but in that cell again. Locked up like some animal. Scared and alone, without your magic. Without a part of yourself.

 

_Stop._

 

„Make it stop, please,” you repeat over and over again. Your throat aches badly, but it doesn’t matter. You’ll be repeating this till it goes away. Your lips are chapped and you’re almost choking on the words. Your hands are shaking so much, your whole body is trembling from the pain of your soul breaking; there’s a knot in your chest, and you can’t catch the air. You feel so small and hopeless, and you can almost sense shadows creeping around you, swallowing you down without any mercy.

 

_Stop. Breathe._

 

„Please, Mama…”

 

And in that moment you hear it, you hear a soft voice. There are also gentle hands on your face, wiping away tears and making the shadows to go away.

 

„ _Breathe_ , my little heart,” she says and these words give you a bit of peace. „I’ll be here, I’ll take care of you. Just breathe, and try to sleep. _Aku cinta kamu, hatiku_.”

 

„ _Aku juga mencintaimu_ ,” you answer and close your eyes.


End file.
